Oh My Love

Oh, my love!


 

How shall I show my love to thee? Let me compare thee to a summer's day.

And let also x represent [winter day] on this horizontal axis, and, my love,
let y represent [summer day].


X (winter day) Y(summer day)

O----------------------------------------------I-----------O
ml

Truly, were my summer's day comparison axis given values of the numbers one through ten, thy countenance would
rank at least an eight and a half on said chart, as illustrated above. And, further, were I to attempt to prove thy value in
direct comparison with a summer's day, my hypothesis is that you would be far more lovely and/or temperate, allowing
the following variables: we shall
assume the summer's day in question is a seasonably temperate one with adequate
winds and low humidity, and that your beauty is at its apex, and that you've
gotten that mole problem taken care of. So then, letting S represent
temperance, q represent aesthetic loveliness as it is perceived by observer x,
and L signifying my previously mentioned love for you, we see an infinitely
complex variance of ways in which I love thee.

More so when we take into account rough winds that (in a controlled wind tunnel
environment) verily did shake the darling buds of May - and in fact shook them
with a median force of eleven knots per square inch, with minimal variance in
observable darling May bud-shaking.

As well, if we allow Renold's groundbreaking 1967 work, Dates & Seasonal
Temperance: Findings, we discover conclusively that summer's lease hath all too
short a date, and that sometimes (but not always) too hot the eye of heaven
shines. Renolds goes on to postulate that often is the gold complexion of x
dimmed, but also that every fair from fair sometime declines. To be fair, it is
a confusing and enigmatic work; though from it, at least, one can reasonably
conclude that, unlike the summer of the Earth's penumbral orbit, thy eternal
summer, my love, shall not fade.

Renolds actually posits in Dates & Seasonal Temperances that when a series of
three-dimensional ways that I love thee are forced into four-dimensional space,
they are in fact given a quantifiable mass. This, of course, offers strong
opposition to the notion that the ways that I love thee are, in a quantifiable
sense, "eternal". Writes Renolds: 'While admittedly immense, the ways that the
author loves thee are not so many that they should be considered infinite, per
se. Rather, an infinite number of in-which-love-ways, when we include the
problem of four-dimensional mass, would mean that the entire universe is in
fact composed of the author's love. This is patently absurd.' The author
tentatively agrees with Renolds on this point, but hastens to add that the ways
in which he loves thee could in fact account for the Missing Mass problem.

Let us move on then to the senses, and examine the breath, eyes and olfactory
senses of x when in close contact to my love. Observations such as increased
heart palpitations, dilation of the pupils, shortness of breath,
incomprehensible muttering, hand wringing, longful stares towards the breast
region, and general utterances of indecipherable mumblings would suggest that
my love is the cause of sense changes in x. In a controlled environment, our
tests showed conclusively that mine heart doth skip one - if not several -
beats whenever you are near, and that truly, baby, I find it increasingly
difficult to get you out my head.

In conclusion, darling, our team of scientists request a grant to study this
behaviour further, under closer experimentation, perhaps over dinner. It is our
belief that our findings could be groundbreaking to current scientific theories
on getting it on, and that truly, were we to continue our studies elsewhere,
there is a high possibility that your world would be conclusively and
exhaustibly